Ode to Mah Boobies

But not really an ode, because it hits on maybe one of the stylistic aspects of what an ode actually is... Really it's just personification in free verse, with no meter or rhyme scheme.  C'mon y'all - you know I have to be specific here, I'm an English teacher (and go easy on me - I'm an essayist not a poet, and I'm trying to keep things light!).

My boobies...

You were the first ones on the scene in the 5th grade.
I wore a bra and got embarrassed, so I hid it in my cubby.
Charles Pritsky and James LaRocco tried to grab it (the bra, not the boobs).
I think I liked the attention.

You were the biggest out of our friends in Junior High.
In a stage where I was awkward, big nosed and taller than everyone else (even some teachers),
You gave me some confidence and helped me stand out in a way that had some positive elements.
And the whistles and cat-calls from guys on the street didn't hurt either.

In high school, you were one of many bouncing pairs,
And you filled out a large C to a D.  We still stood out,
But nothing so as to embarrass us anymore.
And damn we looked good in a bikini.

Ahhh college.  Way too many boys probably saw you.
Thank goodness there were no camera phones,
Because at times I was pretty dumb.
But shhhhh... we won't talk about that here.
Either way, we were quite the pair.

Why would they let 22 year old us teach high school boys?
I had to wear band-aids over your nipples just to hope the boys would pay attention.
To my lessons, I mean.
Finally they started selling padded bras in our size.
Poor boys.

That time we tried a Miracle bra and you almost gave me a black eye,
Remember that?
Tying for first place in the wet t-shirt contest in Turks and Caicos?
The contest on Opie and Anthony?
Big tips with a low-cut shirt while bartending -
Lesson #1 - a little boob = big tips.

You hurt so badly while I was pregnant,
But that first time Phoenix latched on... barely out of the womb for ten minutes.
Raina too.
My two boobie babies, drinking my boobie juice.

Pumping in the ESL room at work for Phoenix,
The English book closet for Raina.
I was so proud you were able to sustain my children,
Give them all the food they needed.
It was so amazing, watching them grow,
And knowing it all came from you.
From us.

And I have to say - you have held up wonderfully.
I mean really - you're both frikking gorgeous.
Between gravity and the breastfeeding,
You should have been so much lower,
and saggier.
But not for nothing, you look
Better than a lot of boobs in their twenties who have never fed even one baby.

You've never failed me, girls.
Not once,
Not even close.
And now,
Once again,
You're making me proud.
You're sacrificing your gorgeous, glorious, glamorous selves
For me. For my husband.  For my kids.  For my future.

Thank you, ladies.
I am forever in your debt.
For all of it.

Chemo #6 - LAST CHEMO!!!

This is it, people.  G-d willing, my last chemo ever.  That's me, waving bye-bye.  I'm hydrating like crazy to ensure as smooth a recovery as possible, and I am full of euphoric joy at the moment.  Phase 1 of this unplanned journey is almost complete.  And as bad as it was at times (and will likely be within the next week or so), much like childbirth, the pain and discomfort are a memory ~  I know it happened because I remember it happened, but the physical aspect is in the past.

Many people have told me how strong I am and have been through this all.  And I own that ~ I have always been clear that I'm a powerhouse, and chemo has proven that to me once again.  I've even had a few moments of adrenaline rushes to see how far my body could be pushed.  Not quite as fun as jumping out of a plane or the like, but the same kind of do-or-die rush I used to enjoy so much before I had kids.  I own that those may be strange thoughts, but thoughts and feelings that have gone through my head nonetheless.

And my intention is not to diminish my strength when I say this, but at the same time, it was easy for me to be strong, because the chemo worked, and I knew from the beginning it would work, regardless of the aggressive, Stage 3 possibly morphing into Stage 4 aspect of my diagnosis.  I knew from the beginning I would beat this. I cannot imagine the strength of those who put their bodies through this knowing that the cancer will kill them in the end, and do it to extend their lives, praying they last as long as possible.  People like my Aunt Judy.  That woman was a fighter, and didn't give up in spirit, even when her body did.  That, my friends, is strength of which I am in awe.  And it is a strength that I pray I will never have to find within myself, or that any of you will have to find within yourselves.

So I want to create a shoutout to chemo.  A thank you.  There are so many F-chemo posts out there, or anger at chemo (and I get it, I truly do - I don't think it's something many desire), but I am one of the blessed for whom chemo has been a Godsend.

So here is my farewell...

Thank you, Taxotere and Carboplatin.  Thank you for attacking all fast growing cells in my body and creating the miracle of remission within two cycles of using you.

Thank you, Herceptin and Perjeta.  Thank you for attacking the HER2 hormones that were feeding the cancer and creating the miracle of remission within two cycles of using you.  Herceptin, I am happy to continue my relationship with you over the next year.

Thank you Dr. Bert Petersen for referring me to Dr. Stephen Malamud (and getting me in to see him three hours later), one of NY's top 100 doctors all around (for how many years now?), who prescribed me the above course of chemo and gave me doses strong enough to push my body to its limits to get those drugs to work their magic, all the while with a nurturing bedside manner, and being available to me 24/7 (how many doctors do you text regularly with questions, and get almost immediate responses?).

Thank you to the amazing nurses and staff at Beth Israel Cancer Center, gracious, caring, involved, and making a difference in saving lives every single day you wake up and go to work.

Thank you, doctors, researchers, lab assistants, and everyone who dedicated countless hours developing the chemo and antibodies that will enable me to watch my children grow from here on earth, and giving my children the gift of their mother (and that includes you, Big Pharma - never woulda thunk...)

Thank you to the women (and men!) who were part of test studies to make sure these medications worked.  I pray your results were as good as mine.

Thank you to all of you who walk, raise money, and donate your time and energy to funding cancer research.  Perjeta has only been around for the last year or so. Herceptin, also a key antibody in my treatment and lowering my risks of recurrence, was developed and added into treatments only a decade and a half ago, and is being studied for use in other cancers as well.  And that was after the HER2 hormones were isolated.  That research is part of what your money funds when you give.  

Chemo - who you are to me is the medical incarnation of that too-strict teacher who pushes you past the limits of what you thought could be possible with blood, sweat, and tears.  I may have hated you at times, but I was always clear that your intention was to empower me to be stronger than I ever thought possible, and in the process you taught me new ways to be that will empower me for the rest of my life.

Peace out, yo.

How to Organize Cancer (Or Any Major Illness)

So... you or a loved one has been diagnosed with a major illness.  Besides the stress and fear, there's also the knowledge (even if buried way back in your subconscious) that there is going to be a whole crapload of information to keep track of, as well as the inevitable bills, even if you have great health insurance.  And chances are, you are going to need that information at some point or another (and I'm not just talking about bills here ~ I am not going to deal with money at all in this post, just ways of keeping track of things).

Now I'm someone who loves to organize and create systems, so when I was first diagnosed with cancer, creating the binder I'm going to show you was one of the first things I did.  Things like this calm me and make me feel like I have some level of control over my circumstances.  If that's not you (and I know that's not a lot of people), no problem!  When you or a loved one get diagnosed with a major illness, everyone says "What can I do?"  And most of them mean it.  Well, choose someone whose organizing abilities you trust, and send them the link to this site and have them do it ~  because this is going to be my first tutorial:

How to Organize Your Major Illness!

I make it sound so exciting, right?

To give credit where credit is due, most of my binder creation techniques come from Alejandra at alejandra.tv, where I purchased her Power Productivity Program (PPP) some time ago, and it has proven invaluable to me in many areas of my life. I also subscribe to her Member's Only Forum.  It's awesome and I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to add and hone organization in their lives.  Some of the items in my binder (both Alejandra's products and office supplies) I had purchased long before my diagnosis, and you can do the same or you can create or find your own.

Supplies (This includes the brands I use, but of course you can use any brand. There are also items you don't necessarily "need", but I designed this binder to be self-sufficient. In other words, you have all things you need at all times and never have to ask someone for a pencil).

• 1" Staples Better View Binder with D-rings (In my opinion, these are the best and can withstand some heavy abuse and don't open or break, and they come in an array of colors and sizes)
• Avery Extrawide Ready Index Dividers, 10 tabs (I like this product because the extrawide dividers leave me room to subdivide sections, which you will see in my bills section - they also are great if you put paper in plastic protective sheets - they fit inside these dividers)
• Binder 3-hole punch (this allows me to punch holes and place papers into my binder immediately so they won't get lost - if you choose not to get it, you will definitely need some sort of hole punch so you can put the many papers into the proper sections)
• Binder pencil case (to keep pens, pencils, and the mini-stapler or tape)
• Mini-stapler or small roll of tape to fit into pencil case
• 3-ring binder business card holders
•  Loose leaf paper
• 1 poly-envelope for 3-ring binders
• Post-it Stick on labels
• Label maker * (optional - I used this to label my sections)

Set Up and Description, Section by Section

 Section 1 - Calendar

 This calendar is a monthly calendar and it is used ONLY for my cancer treatments and appointments (admittedly, for the first few months these treatments and appointments took over my life and became the only things I needed to keep track of - everything else was delegated).  The particular calendar I use I had purchased from Alejandra.tv previously, but you can use any one.
     
The pictures are my actual calendar from my binder.  Everything you see here is real, haha.  Which also explains all the slashes through dates as they passed - I wanted to see the physical progression of time, and it made me feel better when I crossed out those dates.  It's not so great for a blog tutorial, and I apologize for that!

If you look closely, you will see there are circled #s on certain dates.  These are correlated with receipts of paid bills.  I get into that in Section 5 - bills/insurance.
  

In the March calendar you can see I also wrote down what meds I needed to take around my chemo dates, and checked them off as I did them.  This ended up working best for me, and I did not use the checklist I had created for it in Section 2, back when I thought that was how I would do it. And that's the most important thing about organization - it has to be something that WORKS FOR YOU!

Section 2 - Checklists
This is a section that I really thought I would use a lot, as checklists were a major part of my pre-chemo life.  I love checklists - they make me happy.  They just didn't work so well for this part of my life.  What I did end up using this section for was keeping track of things I had to do or needed done, both inside and outside of my cancer life.  I had a list of things I needed to do, like thank you notes and getting taxes done.  I also had lists of things that I needed done but couldn't do myself and/or could delegate.  This is a perfect place to keep a list of things, and then when people tell you they want to help, you have an entire list of things to look at and say "Hey - I need a birthday present for a 5 year old boy - would you be able to pick something up for me and wrap it, by Friday?"  I'm not showing pictures of these checklists because they are part of the Power Productivity Program I mentioned earlier, and that is proprietary to Alejandra.tv, but you get the point.

Section 3 - Medical History
This is a form I created from information I gathered from an online search I had done of planners for people diagnosed with cancer, before I decided to create my own.  This is not necessarily something I have needed as I've progressed through my treatments, but the advice was that even once cancer is beaten, checkups will continue for years, and things we never think we will forget we will have forgotten, and if we switch doctors we will have everything at our fingertips.  I wish I could remember what the sites were that I got this information from so I could give credit for the inspiration and ideas, but I don't. See? They were right - I did forget!  

Section 4 - Reports
This section was simply where I put all medical reports I got.  What I have in this section are biopsy reports, my EKG report, blood analysis, etc.  Several doctors have asked to see this information, and it was super handy to be able to just hand it over rather than waiting for hospitals to fax the information.

Section 5 - Bills and Insurance
Outside of the actual cancer and treatments, the thing I found most stressful was money and bills, and it seems this is common.  What this section is for is keeping track of bills paid and communications from insurance companies and hospitals.  Unpaid bills remained in a pile of my desk until I got to them, and to be honest sometimes they sat there for a month or more.  Whatevs.  This was important for me to handle because I'm the one in the family who handles the finances.  If you're not that person, this section may not be necessary for you, or you may want to have the person who does the finances handle it.  Much of this information I may never need, but if I do, I have it.

In addition to bills, there were many other communications I received in the mail, with a whole bunch of paperwork. I didn't want to throw them out in case I needed them (I learned that lesson through a reimbursement battle I had years ago with my old health insurance company), and I certainly didn't want to leave them on the counter, so I subdivided this section into 4 parts, based upon their source - Receipts, Emblem (Blue Cross and Blue Shield - not bills but statements), Care Core (They seem to be a subcontracted company that handles approvals of procedures), and Hospital Communications (NOT bills - these are written statements of findings and actions I must take).  This is what I used those Post-it stick on labels for. 

As far as bills, Remember those numbers on the calendar?  Those numbers correlate with copays and bills paid on the spot, usually at doctor's offices.  I numbered the receipts, and then placed the corresponding number next to the appointment.  Each receipt gets taped or stapled to its own full sized sheet of paper (this is what the mini-stapler or tape is for) and placed in the Receipts section in numerical order so I can easily reference it if an issue arises. And one already has - I got a letter from one office telling me I owed them a copay for a visit that I had already paid for.  I snapped a picture of the receipt with my phone and emailed it to them, and it was handled. (please note, in this picture I covered credit card information with post-it notes).

Behind the numbered receipts I have the bottom portion of the bills I paid by mail or on the internet, with either the check number I used or the confirmation code from the web. 

Section 6 - Notes

Here is where your loose leaf paper goes.  This section is for taking notes.  That's it.  It's one place to keep track of the names and dates and instructions and questions you have.  It's all in one place, and if you need to go back and find something, there are no little post-its scattered around your house that you have to find (although there are some post-its I taped into this section, admittedly!)

Section 7 - Medications
This section is where I have the original write-up of what my oncologist prescribed for me for my chemo, as well as the sheets that come stapled to all of my prescriptions with the warnings and refill information.  It's handy for handling refills, and has also been important because often new offices want to know what medications I'm on, and there is no way I'm going to remember.  This way I don't have to.

Section 8 - Symptoms
This is a section that, like the checklists one, I thought I would use more than I did.  It's a symptoms tracker that I had made based on research I did on various websites (I think I got most of it from the same one as the medical one).  I didn't need to track my symptoms because they were pretty much always the same, and I got them handled by being in communication with my doctor.

If you choose to use this, the idea is that you write your symptoms across the top (nausea, headache, etc), and then rate it on a scale of 1-10, one being barely there, 10 being unbearable (in which case I hope you would call your doctor or 911 immediately! I think you should call your doctor if your symptom is above a 3, but that's just me.)

Section 9 - Business Cards
I got a lot of business cards from doctors and I knew I would need to keep them for future reference (and I have needed a number of them).  Enter the business card holder.  Nothing more needs to be said.

Section 10 - Films
This section is where my intention was to keep the films I got.  They turned out to be a lot smaller than I thought they would be, as most of them were on CD rather than giant x-ray type pages.  So I also used the poly envelope as a place to keep cards and notes I got from people who love me.  :-)

And that's it!

Having this binder on me at all times has really made things streamlined.  Everything in one place in an organized fashion makes life much easier, especially when everything else has been turned upside down. And the times when I didn't have it on me and needed information, I was able to call my mom or husband and ask them to find me that information (so long as I knew where the actual binder was, LOL).

Thanks for reading, and as much as I hope you never need to use this because I hope you or a loved one never have a major illness to contend with, if you do, I hope this makes a difference for you.

XOXO