Ode to Mah Boobies

But not really an ode, because it hits on maybe one of the stylistic aspects of what an ode actually is... Really it's just personification in free verse, with no meter or rhyme scheme.  C'mon y'all - you know I have to be specific here, I'm an English teacher (and go easy on me - I'm an essayist not a poet, and I'm trying to keep things light!).

My boobies...

You were the first ones on the scene in the 5th grade.
I wore a bra and got embarrassed, so I hid it in my cubby.
Charles Pritsky and James LaRocco tried to grab it (the bra, not the boobs).
I think I liked the attention.

You were the biggest out of our friends in Junior High.
In a stage where I was awkward, big nosed and taller than everyone else (even some teachers),
You gave me some confidence and helped me stand out in a way that had some positive elements.
And the whistles and cat-calls from guys on the street didn't hurt either.

In high school, you were one of many bouncing pairs,
And you filled out a large C to a D.  We still stood out,
But nothing so as to embarrass us anymore.
And damn we looked good in a bikini.

Ahhh college.  Way too many boys probably saw you.
Thank goodness there were no camera phones,
Because at times I was pretty dumb.
But shhhhh... we won't talk about that here.
Either way, we were quite the pair.

Why would they let 22 year old us teach high school boys?
I had to wear band-aids over your nipples just to hope the boys would pay attention.
To my lessons, I mean.
Finally they started selling padded bras in our size.
Poor boys.

That time we tried a Miracle bra and you almost gave me a black eye,
Remember that?
Tying for first place in the wet t-shirt contest in Turks and Caicos?
The contest on Opie and Anthony?
Big tips with a low-cut shirt while bartending -
Lesson #1 - a little boob = big tips.

You hurt so badly while I was pregnant,
But that first time Phoenix latched on... barely out of the womb for ten minutes.
Raina too.
My two boobie babies, drinking my boobie juice.

Pumping in the ESL room at work for Phoenix,
The English book closet for Raina.
I was so proud you were able to sustain my children,
Give them all the food they needed.
It was so amazing, watching them grow,
And knowing it all came from you.
From us.

And I have to say - you have held up wonderfully.
I mean really - you're both frikking gorgeous.
Between gravity and the breastfeeding,
You should have been so much lower,
and saggier.
But not for nothing, you look
Better than a lot of boobs in their twenties who have never fed even one baby.

You've never failed me, girls.
Not once,
Not even close.
And now,
Once again,
You're making me proud.
You're sacrificing your gorgeous, glorious, glamorous selves
For me. For my husband.  For my kids.  For my future.

Thank you, ladies.
I am forever in your debt.
For all of it.